Hardly anyone sends thank you notes anymore and when was the last time you gave a party that anyone bothered to RSVP? Poor manners are also invading the world of real estate, especially when it comes to agents and some relocation companies putting their hands out for referral fees without having been properly referred.

California Realtor Theresa Grant is ready to throw up her hands. In the past month, she has the following referral experiences:

• An agent called her to congratulate her on a sale and asks when closing is, so she can plan for the referral check. Grant had no record of her referring the client. The agent produces a referral form over a year old that is not signed by either Grant or her broker, and she claimed that they never returned it. She wants a referral fee.

• Another agent referred a possible seller to Grant, but says that she won't have the time to get a referral form to Grant. Grant responds that she needs the form so that payment can be processed. The other agent laughed.

• A third agent called to refer a possible buyer, but had no other information than the name - no phone number, no address, no email. Grant wondered does the client even know s/he's being referred? And how would Grant get in contact? By waiting for a call? She told the agent that she needed the rest of the information.

"As agents, we rely upon certain documents for a listing or sale to insure payment upon a successful closing. The referral document is, in my opinion, just as important," insists Grant. "There are names, consideration, and a start and expiration date that makes it a contract between two agents, in effect. That's why I believe that agents should immediately follow up with their referral form. An agent wouldn't take payment on faith just because a seller says they want to sell their house; the agent would put a document in front of the seller and ask for a signature and details as to how and when payment would be made."

Realtor Carol Wight agrees that other agents are getting sloppy. She recently was passed a referral on the Internet via email, but the busy agent was unconcerned about getting a referral agreement ready, and told her he'd respond in four or five days, but to keep him posted on the client's progress. The other agent is unaware how hamstrung Wight really is. Her referrals go through a referral coordinator to be paid. No agreement, no check, not to mention that she doesn't have sufficient information to service the client properly.

"That's the problem," says Wight. "Everyone does things differently. It causes a lack of professionalism. But if we aren't protecting ourselves, we are protecting our clients."

All contracts are based in communication and at a minimum spell out the requirements that have to be met in order for consideration to change hands. With referral fees, the minimum may differ from broker to broker, but at the very least, anyone expecting a referral fee should be willing to do the following:

• Qualify your client's goals and their financial abilities, price range, if applicable, etc. so that you will have information to pass on to the referred agent.

• Find out the type of representation that your client wants by providing her/him with a brief explanation of the types of agency available in the state or province to which they would like to move.

• Obtain the client's permission to seek a referral on their behalf in writing, including a release of liability in the transaction.

• Find the right type of broker/agent for your client. Personally contact the broker or sales agent who will be awarded the client's business and explain the nature of the referral, including the last time you made contact with the client. Ask if the office has a referral coordinator or to whom you should forward your paperwork. Contact that person and let them know paperwork is forthcoming.

• If you have never met the person to whom you are referring a client, provide the broker/agent with a means to check you out - a web page, your association contact information, your broker's contact information, or other references.

• Ask for the broker's/associate's referral agreement in writing. If the written terms meet your approval, sign the agreement and provide the name of the client, the client's complete contact information and as much as you know about the client's needs in writing. Mail yourself a sealed copy and reserve it.
• Follow up with the client. Did s/he receive good service? Would s/he be willing to use the broker/associate again?

• Stay in touch, so that next time the client needs to change residences, you can refer your client again.

Don't assume because you know the referral agent that a deal will go smoothly